jeglick+3.1INF+rough+draft

=**jeglick 3.1INF Rough Draft**=

Jill Glick Instructor: Dr. Archibald English 110.50A 3.1 INF rough draft 29 October 2008

** Getting Away from It All and I’ll Show You How **
Do you feel like some days you just need to get away from it all? I’ve got the perfect solution - warm tropic breezes, sunshine, and a refreshing drink as you relax listening to your favorite song. This could be you by just simply doing the following things. **(maybe put a summary of what the things are here and then you can describe them further in the following paragraphs)**

You first need to pick a destination and with all this cool weather, let’s go someplace warm. How about the U.S. southernmost point – Key West, Florida? It’s described as paradise with fabulous sunsets, spectacular snorkeling and diving, and just good-time fun. **(Fill in more information about Key West or be more descriptive about the things you've mentioned to help fill out this paragraph)**

We don’t want to go when it’s crowded which also increases the cost so let’s research when would be the best time to go. A great site to visit for an excellent destination overview is [|www.smartertravel.com]. It states that for Key West, “The best months to save money are October, September, and August (in that order), during which fewer people visit due to wet weather. The most expensive months are March, February, and April (in that order), but room rates can also be affected by special events and festivals at any time of the year.” I always try to plan well in advance, at least six (6) months out. We’ll base our dates on the first week in June 2009 and you need to be a little flexible so that you can get the best airline price. Normally the lower costs days are Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday. We’ll shoot for Wednesday or Thursday with a return date of the following Tuesday or Wednesday.

One of best sites to compare airline flight schedules and pricing is [|www.Kayak.com]. This search engine will explore all the airlines that service the cities that you will fly to and from. To keep our costs low, it’s best to travel through major airports; we’ll use Baltimore, MD and Miami, FL. Also, we want to do this as soon as possible. Airlines only have a certain number of seats at a certain price and when they’re sold, you __get__ **have** to choose from the next available seat which is 99% always more.**Maybe rephrase this last part of the sentence** Kayak.com can also check other nearby airports, which I recommend, to see if you can get a better price. Once you decide which flights would suit your needs, go directly to the airline site to book your tickets. You can get a larger selection of scheduled times and sometimes even cheaper prices. Good news, I found us a great price, an AirTran flight from Baltimore, MD to Miami, FL for $165 round trip, leaving on Thursday, June 4, 2009, and returning Tuesday, June 10, 2009.

We need a rental car and [|www.carrentals.com] is an excellent site to use for this search. There’s really not too much to this website. Just choose which vehicle you’d like to drive and see which rental agency offers the lowest price. Again use the car rental company website **to r** eserve a vehicle. Check back on a regular basis for a better rate **because c** ar rental prices are constantly changing. The insurance they offer is expensive and you may not even need it. Check your auto insurance and even credit cards to see if you already have rental car coverage. [get rental price on convertible]

Where ** are we going ** to stay? The website [|www.tripadvisor.com] is a great site to get people’s opinions on the best places to stay. The hotels are ranked based on traveler’s ratings and they’re pretty accurate. Members will provide valuable insight that you __don’t__ **won't** get from the hotel’s webpage. Some even provide pictures of the hotel and surrounding area. You’ll find a few people complaining about a hotel but it’s important that it has many more responses with positive feedback. You know the saying, you can’t please everyone. **(something in here needs to be reworded. I think it feels a little too choppy. I like the concept of "you can't please everyone" and therefore you have to take the complaints with a grain of salt. It's just that these two sentences feel awkward to me.)** Once you’ve narrowed down your hotel choices, use [|www.hotels.com] or [|www.kayak.com] to get a general idea for the best price. I like using these sites because based on your wants, you can choose the price range, star ratings and guest ratings. Also hotels.com provides you with guest’s opinions. You will then want to go directly to the hotel’s website because you can normally get a better price. [get a price on 2.5-3 star hotel]

I have found that [|www.fodors.com] is wonderful site to ask general questions; for instance, what to do, where to eat, or what’s the weather like during a certain period of the year. It’s amazing the responses. **(again, a little awkwardly phrased. Consider something like, "The responses are amazing because...")** They can be from people that live in the area to people that have visited there once or many times. I value their opinion and have used it many frequently and haven’t ever been misled. **(Give some examples of what we're going to do in Key West and where we're going to eat and what we should pack since the weather is going to be ......)**

Getting directions before you go is very important. [|www.aaa.com] is wonderful for accurate information. I’ve tried other sites and even a GPS but still prefer using [|www.aaa.com]. It provides you to and from directions, the time it will take, mileage, and complete detailed turn by turn map. It will even include restaurants, rest stops, gas stations, hotels and even attractions to visit along the way. **(Two uses of the word "even" makes it feel repetitive. Also can you give an example of how we are going to use aaa.com for our trip to Key West? Maybe find some of the times, mileage, etc. for us to go from our hotel to a place we want to visit while we're there?)**

For additional savings, do a web search for discount codes or if you’re a member of AAA or another club, check with them ** because ** they may offer discounts. Some people like to call a travel agent to make these arrangements but why spend the extra money when you can learn about the area you’ll be visiting plus __you can__ get better deals by doing it yourself. [thinking of adding total of above trip costs and add sentence – For $ you could be kicking back, putting your feet up while sipping a refreshing drink as the sun warms you and the tropic breezes take you away from it all.] We all benefit from a vacation away from our daily routine and these web pages can help you do it. Take the time, book your vacation, and then when you get there, kick back, put your feet up, have a refreshing drink and let the warm sun and the tropical breezes take you away.

**Sara Shepherd's feedback for Jill Glick's 3.1INF:

Jill, awesome essay. I loved the way you wrote it as if you and I were going to go to Key West for our vacation. Very inviting. I underlined a couple of things that should be strike-throughs. I think I changed some punctuation here and there and I combined a couple of your short sentences to make one longer sentence. Minor stuff. I liked the way you told us what we needed to do and then gave a specific example of our trip but it seemed like you stopped after the rental car. Keep doing that - it makes the essay tie into the topic really well. One last suggestion, consider retitling to "I can show you how to get away from it all." Right now the title is just a little awkward. Great job!** **- Sara**
 * **What is the thesis?** Jill and I are going on vacation to Key West, Florida and she is going to use different websites to help plan the trip.
 * **How is the essay organized?** Jill starts by reminding me how much I need a vacation and then moves into picking a location and helping me plan the trip. She moves from picking a time frame to airline tickets to car rental. She then helps us decide where to stay, what to do, where to eat and how to get around. Finally she proves how doing this ourselves on the internet helps to save money for the actual vacation.
 * **Was the organization logical?** I thought it made a lot of sense since the planning of a vacation would obviously depend on location, time and finances.
 * **Were any parts not relevant to the thesis?** Not a single time. I thought she did an excellent job.
 * **What examples and types of evidence were most convincing?** I loved the way Jill told us what we needed to do to plan for the vacation and then gave a specific example of our trip to Key West. I have planned a few vacations online but some of the sites she found were awesome and I wish I'd known about them before. The entire essay left me feeling pretty happy, like maybe I am actually going to get to go on vacation...
 * **What two places could use more development?** I pointed out a couple of places where I thought Jill needed a specific example from our Key West trip to help keep the flow of the essay. I also gave her a suggestion to help fill out the first paragraph about choosing Key West as our destination.
 * **Did the introduction catch your attention?** The whole essay was really exciting. I enjoyed the rather novel way she wrote as if we were sitting down together and she was going to help me plan a trip. Definitely caught my attention from the get go.


 * Laura Zavresa's feedback for Jill Glick's 3.1INF**
 * I would maybe in the intro, which is very attention getting by the way, add about social media and the internet, if I wasn't doing this assignment I would have no idea where this was going. I thought your draft was really good, It included a lot of detail and I was not confused while reading.

What is the thesis? There is going to be some traveling so, things need to be planned.

How is the essay organized? It is organized by thinking about where to go, the flight, the car, where to stay, and things to do and directions

Was the organization logical? I thought so, it was easy to understand.

Were any parts not relevant to the thesis? No, I thought it was well done.

What examples and types of evidence were most convincing? I loved the way she explained the sites and what they did. That adds credibility.

What two places could use more development? I thought maybe the intro, with more detail, and the second paragraph.

Did the introduction catch your attention? Yes. I thought it was done very well. The essay was very organized and specific. Good Job**

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