Group+4+Final+Draft


 * __Love Connections, One Click at a Time__**

It is the fall of 2008 and Megan is about to start her freshman year at Millersville University and is feeling nervous and excited all at once. None of her high school friends back in Indiana, where she is from, are attending the same University. She arrives on campus and reports directly to her dorm room anxiously awaiting her roommate. Her roommate arrives and, needless to say, is not the perfect match for her: different styles, different ideas and different interests. She can only thing of how this was her shot to make at least one friend here off the bat and it was a failure. She felt all alone and depressed; she wasn't very good at social situations and meeting new people. Megan remembered an ad she saw while using the internet about an online dating website where she can meet local singles in her area. She thought she would give this a try at least she can better match up with those who share the same interests.

Although this particular story is fictional, this is an all too common situation. Many singles are finding new ways to meet individuals that they never may have had the chance to meet. This is the new dating scene of the 21st century, in a world of ever evolving technology. With our hectic lives and strict budgets, the internet allows singles to get out there and meet new people without spending money on drinks, cover charges, and cabs. Not only is this more cost effective but it allows people to get to know each other first and then choose whether or not to even meet this person. Using an online dating service helps narrow down a search to others who share the same ideas and interests, all from the comfort of home. There are some out there that prefer the traditional bar scene or set up from their friends. This is mostly out of fear of the unknown or out of embarrassment of having to tell family and friends that they met the love of their life on a dating website. With the millions already joining in this new craze, it is no longer something to be embarrassed about.

When one thinks of internet dating websites, and the people that use them, a certain set of images come to mind: a darkened room, lit only by the blue light of a computer screen, a lonely person hunched over the keyboard, and a pile of takeout food boxes nearby. This image is a common one, and at one time may have actually been perceived as a negative thing, but these days online dating has lost its stigma for a number of reasons.

There are more single people in the United States, and all over the world, than ever before. Young people wait longer to get married than they did a generation ago, and many college graduates will admit upon graduation that they are not really concerned with settling down. They see marriage as something that can wait until they establish their own career. Drs. Robert and Rhonda  Brymer, surveyors of Canadian online dating habits, contend, "31% of online daters" are believed to be divorced singles. These divorced singles may have married in their twenties and then found themselves single again in their thirties or forties (Brymer et al., 13). Many singles also work long hours, as it has become quite common for professional adults to work upwards of fifty hours per week. When we spend that much time at work, it is hard to find time to meet other singles. Meeting people online is not only convenient, but with wireless internet available almost everywhere it is also portable. In the age of litigiousness, sexual harassment has become a major workplace issue, so employers in general discourage workplace romances. Taking a laptop around the corner to have lunch is a more acceptable way to look for dates, and eliminates the risk of any employment or legal issues.

Aside from the practical reasons for people to try online dating, there are some surprising personality traits that come into play. For instance, the vast majorities of online daters are educated and would consider themselves professionals in their field. Brymer stated that online daters are "more likely to be employed than internet users who do not use online dating services" (Brymer et al., 13). Online daters are also sociable people who report normal family backgrounds and social networks. They view themselves as "confident, and they believe others see them the same way" (Brymer et al, 17). Many online daters enlist the help of a friend to design their profile. In a way this creates its own social activity, almost taking the place of the neighborhood watering hole as a place to pick up members of the opposite (or the same) sex. Jennifer Egan, author of __Love in the Time of No Time__, describes profiles as, "works in progress, continually edited and tweaked with newer more flattering pictures" (Egan, 2). This notion of a continually edited profile makes it clear that the people who spend time creating these detailed profiles are not trying to avoid social interaction, rather they welcome it.

Another reason for the worldwide increase in online dating is the ability to meet and attract people that would otherwise be out of reach, perhaps even on the other side of the world. A number of specific religious and even ethnic sites have sprung up in the last few years. According to executives with Match.com, "love isn't the same in every language - not even close" (Masters, 1). Match and other companies have begun offering culturally sensitive online dating options. [|BharatMatrimony.com], an Indian matchmaking site, had over ten million members as of January 2008, and is "celebrated as the most trusted matrimony brand combining tradition and technology" (BharatMatrimony, 2008). Based on the number of participants, it appears that the concept of finding a mate online is more palatable to many singles than blind dates, and the idea of finding true love seems to outweigh any perceived negatives.

Some people wait their whole lives trying to find that one person that completes them. Many stereotypes of having a successful life is finding someone and starting a family. Knowing that someone loves you is a true euphoria. Many movies are about finding true love. Hollywood makes it seem so easy to fall head over heels in love.

Being in a healthy relationship can change a person’s life. People gain confidence, they become healthier, they are happy. In good relationships, people become friendlier and more social. In a conducted study, one hundred percent of fifty male students polled stated there were benefits to dating in college. They showed that when they dated that their self-esteem were higher in social settings (Kopfler). However, if the relationship becomes sour or unhealthy, it can have the opposite effect on lives.

On [|Yahoo! answers] someone asked what were the positives and negatives of being in a relationship. The answers this person received was generic. The responder said that a positive to being in a relationship is having someone care about you more than anything and will be there for them no matter the situation. Most importantly, the responder said the chance of love is worth being in a relationship. Some negatives are the risk of fighting, jealousy, and spending more money than single people. Still, there is a lot more benefits and misfortunes from being in a relationship.

Married people say that marriage is challenging and stressful, but they also say that they enjoy being committed to one person for the rest of their lives. People in happy, loving relationships have been known to live longer than those who are single. If someone gets involved in a good, healthy relationship “it increases your life expectancy, protects your brain and more” (Stibich).

If a relationship does not work out it can put a lot of strain on one’s heart. If marriages fail, couples going through a divorce face an extremely stressful period in their lives. Researchers have stated that people who have more negative aspects in their relationships have a thirty-four percent increased chance of having heart problems (Stibich).

Being in a relationship does not just effect people's health; relationships have been known to affect academic performance, and as Matthew Kopfler, author of the study, __Effects of Romantic Relationships on Academic Performance__ says, "While involved in a relationship during college, one might be forced to choose either studying for school or spending time with the significant other, leaving the student with increased amounts of stress." Stress added on top of school work is disastrous. What really affects performance is the level of commitment the couple has to the relationship. One study surveyed one hundred and nine married men and women, forty-seven single men, and five-five single women to see if undergraduate married students’ grades differ from single students. The results showed that married couples had received higher G.PA.’s because they had “a goal minded approach to academics.” Students trying to maintain romantic relationships tend to feel more responsibility than those who are not. They feel that they have to think of the other person when making decisions which could distract them from focusing on their education (Kopfler).  There are many different reasons a person may decide to place an ad on the internet to meet someone, such as being new to a community or possibly not being able to approach others in public. With the internet becoming easier to use as the years pass, a personal ad on the internet can take as little as five minutes and an email address to post, however it depends on the site one may chose whether it will cost money or not. One of the simplest free sites to use is [|Craigslist.org]. When first logging on, it asks the user to choose their location, usually by state, and then prompts one to pick from a list of different large cities around the particular state depending on where the person is located. When everything is chosen, there is a link to all different personals people have posted. The user can either choose to look through ones others have posted and reply in hopes of meeting a person, or they can take a more direct route and post an ad themselves. The user would click “post an ad,” put a little information about themselves, possibly add a picture if they felt comfortable enough, and provide an email address where the replies to the ad will go. [|Craigslist.org] provides full security when doing this. If someone replies to an ad that was posted, it goes indirectly to a computer generated email address, and then [|Craigslist.org] passes it on to the email address provided by the poster. If the person decides to reply to a response they received from the ad they posted, their email address is then given to the other party. As far a connection between two people, that depends on how far the emails eventually go.

Another popular site for single adults to use is [|Singles.net]. From looking at the number of people who have joined from Lancaster alone, it seems to be more popular among people looking to meet others. Unlike [|Craigslist.org], this site goes into more depth of a person right when they are signing up. After a user searches other singles around the area, they can choose to sign up. It’s again as simple as providing an email address and your name, however, it asks a few questions further to truly try and match someone with someone who may be perfect for them. It asks the user their date of birth to determine age, and some activities they may like to do. These activities include outdoor pastimes such as camping, hiking, and canoeing, to asking questions about whether or not the user likes to work out or not. Once all the questions are filled out, the user can choose to browse their computer for a picture to post on their profile, but it's not required to use the site.  After all that is done, the account is activated and a profile is put up for others to see. Immediately, singles.net searches other profiles that seem to match the interests the user posted, and emails the potential matches to the user who signed up. They can then reply, or search other profiles that have interests that they are looking for in a significant other. They can email a little about themselves, or just send flirt messages, which can say anything from “I want to get to know you,” to “You're cute.” As on [|Craigslist.org], it becomes the user’s choice whether or not they decide to contact each other further. They could possibly exchange phone numbers or email addresses to get to know each other a little more. No matter which site someone decides to use to look for someone, there are always multiple risks they are taking.

At first online dating may seem like a cool, fun way to meet people you wouldn't originally meet "on-the-town". There are many negatives involved with online dating, such as finding people who misrepresent themselves, and the finances involved along with the stigma of meeting someone online. A big negative involved with the world of online dating is having dishonest people. On online dating sites anyone can post just about anything about themselves. If it was desired, someone could create a whole new person on the internet. People misrepresent themselves by lying about their age. Most of the time people claim that they are younger than what they really are. Dating sites also allow individuals to upload pictures of themselves online. Not everybody, however, puts pictures of who they really are though.

Just look online and there are many online dating horror stories about people saying they are someone they are not. For example, a man using match.com lured three women to his apartment and raped them, all on different accounts. He claimed that he was a doctor, and involved with the C.I.A (http://crime.about.com/ 1). Also, sometimes, when it comes to meeting a person, the other doesn't even show, or in one case, they got out of the vehicle, looked at the other person from twenty yards away, and then left (http://www.sfgate.com/ 1). Online dating can be intimidating; however, one should just be oneself.

The most televised horror story is that of a 33 year old nursing student from Philadelphia. This man used match.com to present himself with several different identities all which he was able to produce IDs supporting whichever character he had decided to present that evening. He would arrange meetings with women in upscale bars and restaurants. These women claimed he was a very nice and confident person. He was well dressed and presented himself as a real gentleman. One thing that these women were all able to recall is that they seemed to get abnormally intoxicated after returning from the bathroom or letting this man buy them a drink. One woman stated that she woke up and it was if she was paralyzed, that her "body was there, but couldn't see what was going on to it." Not being able to see one's own body must be a scary feeling because they know that they aren't supposed to be there. It's not a good situation. Some accounted that they would wake up naked or during sex. This man was finally arrested and was charged with the rape of eight Pennsylvania women. He is being held without bond. This man was finally arrested and was charged with the rape of eight Pennsylvania women. He is being held without bond.

Not all bad online dates end with such a horrific nightmare. In one case, for example, a woman agreed to meet with a man she had been exchanging emails with for some time at a restaurant. She stated that as soon as the man sat down, before the waitress even came over for drink orders, the man stared at her from across the table and blurted out “Let’s just get right to the point, what's wrong with you?" Another online dater states he had been speaking with a female on the phone for about a month when they finally agreed to meet at a bar. Her picture and profile indicated a 5'7 125lb blonde, who loved the outdoors and biking. He was excited to meet her. He stated when she saw him and sat down she had long brown roots, and had to weigh at least 300lbs. She told him that was a picture of her from a couple of years ago. There are so many stories like these latter ones. A person misrepresenting themselves is the most common problem with online dating.

One individual gave some good advice to online daters. When arranging to meet someone you've met online either bring someone with you or always let someone know where you are going to be at all times and give a number you can be reached. There is always risk involved with dating. Women have just as much risk involved of getting raped when meeting someone in a bar as they do meeting someone online. [|www.abcnews.com] blogger.

An additional negative of online dating are the feelings online daters have that goes along with telling others how they met. Some couples have no problem telling their peers that they met on the internet; however other couples find it embarrassing to admit that is how they found their significant other. Online dating may be seen as a desperate measure for someone who cannot seem to find anyone in a more traditional way: meeting people that friends know, meeting people in bars, or meeting people in other public places. One person wrote, asking for advice on Salon.com, "....I think part of me feels like my decision to use an online dating service was like admitting that I'm unable to meet men on my own, that I need some kind of remedial help." It seems that many people who choose to meet someone through online dating services feel uncomfortable when telling other's how they met. There is a stigma that goes along with the choice of online dating. In an interview with American Idol's Ryan Seacrest, when asked if she was searching for a boyfriend on the internet, Miley Cyrus stated, "I'm not that desperate yet." ( [|www.people.com] ). Miley Cyrus, who plays the titular role on Disney’s Hannah Montana, has a great deal of influence on how young people react to certain ideas, including online dating.

Although there are some people who still feel embarrassed to tell their friends and family how they met their significant other, the changing tide of popular culture is making it much more acceptable to have met online. In NBC's ER episode 1508, "Age of Innocence," a young woman was brought into the emergency room on a stretcher. She had been hit by a car and while the emergency team was transferring her from the ambulance stretcher to the trauma room’s table she tells the team that she was on her way to a date with a man she had met on Facebook. Before she becomes unconscious she jokes, “Ooh, if I die the day I’m supposed to meet my husband…” It is this kind of referral in popular culture that is helping to reduce any stigma attached to online dating.

Another negative of online dating would be the money that is involved. Some sites may be free; however, usually the good, serious websites are not. The websites range from costing nothing to costing fifty dollars a month. A popular website for online dating is eharmony.com. At this site, one who signs up gets a free "personality profile". However, if the individual wants more, and usually they do, they can subscribe for $19.95 for twelve months, during a "special period". Other than that, it can cost approximately $50.00 according to consumersearch.com. However, during the special it would include receiving compatible matches, sharing photos, and communication using their tools. So, at this site one really does not get much. According to [|consumersearch.com], [|match.com] got the best review overall. One can register for free and then subscribe to communicate with others through email. [|Comsumersearch.com] says that for [|match.com] it is about thirty-five dollars a month for six months. So, that would be $210.00 a year. That is also just for communication. The financial aspect of online dating can become expensive. The amounts really add up.

However many negatives there are in relation to online dating, many people are willing to testify to the benefits of searching for a mate on the internet. In the early 1990’s it was not as common to have an internet presence as it is today. Melody, a native Texan was encouraged and teased by her friends until she finally relented and bought a computer. In her thirties and still single, she had tried to find companionship within the members at her church, and even though it was a good sized church, most of the singles were also women around the same age as Melody. She realized that she was not going to meet anyone at the school where she taught seventh and eighth grades and so she decided to look online for friendship, she says to help, “speed up the process.” She met Mike from Pennsylvania in a Christian chat room on AOL and they chatted off and on for nearly two years. Melody had some friends in PA and when she mentioned to Mike that they ought to meet when she was up to visit; he said no, giving the excuse that he had to work. “That’s when I knew he was the real deal,” Melody says. “Most of the scary stories you hear, they want to meet right away. When he didn’t want to meet, I knew he was ok.”  Finally when she was in the area again, he agreed to meet her. Soon after meeting him in real life, she moved to Pennsylvania and they began to seriously date. Mike says, “She got a hold of my arm and never let go.” They married eight years ago, in September of 2000. For Melody, however, there seemed to be a stigma attached to the way she and Mike had met and she would not initially tell anyone who would ask. She would brush off their inquiries but on the other hand she said, “Other than bar hopping, where do you meet people?” Today she is open about the way they were introduced. “It seems like the stigma is gone.”

Another example of a positive outcome of online dating is Christine, a single woman in her mid-thirties, who had been set up on dates by her friends with disastrous results. She tried meeting people in her young adults group at church but was not having much luck. Then one day she saw an advertisement in the newspaper for a Christian friendship and dating service and she went online to check it out. She filled out the profile information, but when she saw the cost, she changed her mind. However, the service continued to contact her via email, each time lowering the price, until finally she signed up. The service put her name and contact information on a list which was available to other Christian singles who had signed up for the service.

Patrick was a new Christian and was looking for a companion who shared his faith. He spoke to a few women on the phone and even made plans to meet another, but she never showed up. Finally he called Christine and left a message on her machine. When she called him back, they talked for a while and then arranged to meet in a public place. “I had a backup plan,” she said. She made plans to deliver something to a friend of hers after her date with Patrick as a safety net in case she wanted to abandon the date. Her friend told her to use her as an excuse if she needed to get away. She told Christine to say, “Well, I have to go get this thing to my friend now.” Her friend even suggested if Christine was really nervous, she could excuse herself to the bathroom and call her friend, who would immediately come and get her. Fortunately, Christine and Patrick hit it off right away and ended up spending five hours together discussing their common interests. He was funny, and easy to talk to: “He made me laugh,” she said. In May of 1999 they married and will soon celebrate ten years of happiness.

Meeting others is always a risk. Going online to expand your search to people you normally would not meet locally is an up and coming thing in the world of technology. Kelly, a contributor to this paper, works with a young woman, who in her early 20's didn't have very much success with relationships. After another failure she decided to go ahead and try this online dating. Kelly conducted an interview with this young woman and she agreed to allow Kelly to post it for this paper. Q : What site did you use to set-up your profile? A : “ I used Match.com “ Q : What made you decide on that particular site? A : “ To tell you the truth they were having a special, half off the monthly rate for the first 6 months and if you found no one they would give you the next 6 months free. “ Q: So you never did any research on the site you were using, only that it cost less? A : “ No, I actually didn’t think about it. “ Q : What were you feeling as you were setting up your profile? A : “ That I wasn’t going to get any responses. I wasn’t nervous if that was what you were thinking. I didn’t see it any different than if I met someone at a club or something. Just this way I didn’t have to meet him unless I chose to do so.” Q : So have you met anyone worthwhile? A : (smiling) “ Yes, I did.” Q : Can you tell me about him? A : “ He is a police officer in Reading. We have been dating for about 6 months. It’s different meeting someone online, you get to know them in a different way. We just connected. We are talking about moving in together. My birthday is in February and I think he is going to propose! He took me to look at rings and says he has a big surprise for my birthday." Q : Does it embarrass you at all to tell others where you to met? A : “ No, so many are doing this now people don’t think twice.”

After trying online dating, the young freshman college student met many people, some good, and some horrible. She found some friendships and met many people in her new environment at college. However, through the world of online dating she met the love of her life, and she is incredibly happy that she tried it. So, even though there are some dishonest people, the cost of some online dating sites can be prohibitive, and some people still feel a certain discomfort in confessing how they met, meeting potential dates online can be a lot of fun. Online dating gives one access to people one would never meet in person and many couples have found long-term happiness. Since there are many health benefits to being in a loving, caring relationship, finding a life mate is advantageous . Online dating is a different and interesting way to meet people.  