AlbrightR_3.1INF+rough+draf



3.1INF rough draft Ryan Albright Ipods are quickly becoming one of the most popular electronic devices. i think that it would be interesting if you could find out ipod sales for last year and give a stat like 1 million ipods were purchased last year (use your third sentance as your first!). Nearly everywhere you go, you see people with them. According to an article from Engadget, Apple claims to have sold over 100 million iPods around the world. Ipods are the number one MP3assume people don't know what MP3 players are. player in the world. The iPod has revolutionized the way people listen to music. It has brought the digital revolution in music about almost by it’s self. ADD MORE TO OPENING SENTENCE FOR FINAL DRAFT The iPod began as the answer to bulky flash-based MP3 players. describe these bulky MP3s The player launched with almost immediate success. Before long, the iPod had a large stable of accessories, the most popular of which was an application that allowed the user to use their iPods in conjunction with Windows PC. NEED TO ADD MORE HISTORY. ALSO, I NEED SHOW HOW THE IPOD BECAME SO POPULAR TODAY Main point of paper is to explore the iPod’s effect on society. I would like to draw on my own personal experiences if possible. Negative Effects: Obviously, one of the more negative effects of the iPod is that it essentially isolates it’s users from the outside world. Krystal Song cleverly calls people with iPods “iZombies”.also how the ipod has effected illegal AND legal downloading of music (i.e. itunes songs and limewire or whatever you use) I would like to see if I can find more professional websites that document the effects of iPods on society. Some people blame digital sales of music for the music industry collapse. I don’t know if I can fi8nd a way to make this a relvant point in my final draft, but I am going to look into it. Positive Effects: Many people find enjoyment from iPods. They are a very convient way to listen to music.you could descibe the ipod's growth (the old school one, to the colored ones, the video, the nano, the touch, the ipone!) you could talk about how ipods connect people through music (people with common music interests communicate) also, talk about the features on ipod, the old ones had nothing but music and now the touch has maps, the internet, photoslides, games, ect. i think it would be very interesting as well as revelant to talk about how the ipod has changed since it first came out. you can then talk about why these changes happend, and how the changes positively and negatively effected the sales of the ipod. i think you have a really good topic here and great thoughts that just need to be broadened (im sure you know this already). oh, talk about how ipod effect MAC in general...how have mac sales changed since the ipod boom? would you even consider buying a mac before the ipod (even though mac's have rocked forever)

I know I have a lot of work to do. I am currently in the process of looking for any Psychology Journal Case studies on iPods.

Caitlin Shahbazi's feedback for Ryan Albright's 3.1INF:
 * **What is the thesis? "**It has brought the digital revolution in music about almost by it’s self." Basically Ryan is saying that if it wasn't for the ipod, the way to play music would not have evolved so much.
 * **How is the essay organized?** The outline that he gave I think will work well once all the information is included.
 * **Was the organization logical?** As of right now yes.
 * **Were any parts not relevant to the thesis?** The first part about the history and looking to find out how it became so popular is relevant but like the good and bad effects don't really apply to the thesis; however, I think it's great information.
 * **What examples and types of evidence were most convincing?** This can't really be answered yet since there isn't enough information.
 * **What two places could use more development?** Well obviously everything at this point but Ryan already knows this.
 * **Did the introduction catch your attention?** It gets my attention but it definitely needs something else more attention grabbing.

Andrew Wentzel's feedback for Ryan Albright
 * **What is the thesis?** how have ipods evolved and effected society
 * **How is the essay organized?** it is organized in a understandable manner
 * **Was the organization logical?** yes
 * **Were any parts not relevant to the thesis?** No
 * **What examples and types of evidence were most convincing?** The facts about the ipod in the introduction were convincing, if you would elaborate more, it would make your paper more credible
 * **What two places could use more development?** The conclusion and the body (you have good main ideas for the body, just go into more detail. there is a lot to talk about with this topic)
 * **Did the introduction catch your attention?** What you have now is not that interesting, but your third sentence is, so as I suggested that would be more attention grabbing.

