team1-4hdbk+ex.

Team 1 - Handbook exercise #4

6-7. The advice that was given to our group was to expand some of the subtopics. The subtopics were not explored equally, and we will expand the subtopics that need more information. Another piece of advice was to clarify the section about Wiki, because it was a little confusing to the readers. We weren't given any advice for our introduction, because the other group enjoyed the quote, and the setup for the thesis.-Jennifer

Various suggestions are offered in the direction of how to make the essay better, but I think the one that caught my attention the most was in several places it mentioned a lack of unifying voice and identity. This is true, that each separate section was taken in part from a piece in someone else's voice and technique, and catered towards the concept. This makes it difficult to tie all of them together without a single person revising the whole thing into a single voice (not a task I would undertake lightly, or with much fervor -- each part has its merits, and bulldozing over the individual style of each for the sake of a more unified whole seems cavalier and a little unfair). We will strive more to speak in unison than demand a single voice. -Chester

The most common criticism was that our paper was confusing but they really liked the introduction. They noticed the fact that the essay is made up of different parts which do not fit together as well as they could. There were comments that they liked the section on how far the Internet has come and the section about online college. -Tim

Our group knows we need to make the paper flow better with a more clear focus. Also we have discussed that it needs to be shorter. Maybe the intro can just stay the same since people liked it so much. -Tim

One peer reviewer suggested that some parts of the paper should be lengthened. Some subjects of our paper are quite a bit longer than others and I think that our peer reviewers would like to see the same amount of information on each topic. I think this is a good suggestion and that making each subject equal in length will help our paper to have a better "flow". I agree with the majority of our peer reviewers that our paper seems choppy, but as everyone in my group has commented, we are aware of this and we are revising for the final draft. -Andrew

2-3 We’ve received positive feedback on our introduction; however, we need to work on the over-all organization to give it a better transition from one topic to the next. The peer reviewer found our essay difficult to determine what our topic truly is. I feel that once we smooth out our paragraphs to flow with each others, it will greatly improve our thesis. -Jill