JS's+3.1INF+rough+draft

JS's 3.1INF rough draft

Jennifer Santiago Dr. Archibald Informative Essay 28 October 2008 The Social Media is Promoting Eating Disorders In today's society search engines such as: Google and yahoo are widely used to find information for just about any topic. One of the most popular searches has been affecting teen girls and boys world wide. This search is based on social sites that promote eating disorders such as: bulimia and anorexia. Blogs and myspace groups are focusing on pro-ana and thinspiration calling them support groups, but these websites are nothing of the sorts. Many teenage girls and boys are visiting these sites and getting advice on how to hide this disorder from families and friends. The websites even offer their viewers photos of high end models and actresses that use this form of weight loss to their “advantage.” In this paper I will focus on the websites that are associated with eating disorders. As parents it is scary to know that by just one click of a mouse our children can be influenced by sites that promote eating disorders. Five to ten million people have eating disorders nation wide; that includes eleven percent of high school students and up to nineteen percent of college students. Eighteen to twenty percent of people with anorexia will die within twenty years of diagnosis(Morton). This is an issue that has been spoken about worldwide, but nothing is being done to stop this issue. Instead of sites trying to stop this issue, there are sites focused on promoting this issue. On youtube I found a video, [|“Don't' Die for a Diet,”] and though the author is against pro ana websites she is listing things that anorexic people do. Her advice includes: telling your parents your eating at a friends house and instead take a walk; take cold showers to make your metabolism work harder; punch yourself in the stomach when you want to eat, and worst of all do aerobics until you pass out. Towards the end of the video she states that this is what is found on pro ana websites, and she gives her viewers a website that is against eating disorders. Another key word that is used for these pro ana sites are called "thinspiration." Young girls are using this word to spread the beauty of being thin. A still that I will use is a myspace page of a 19 year old girl from France that believes thin is beauty. There are three points that I want to discuss: 1. The general information section. 2. Her quote. 3. Her thoughts on the normalcy of being thin The first point that I want to discuss is the general section where she gives the "ana commandments," all of the commandments are absurd. For example the first commandment is "If you aren't thin you aren't attractive;" or the third commandment, "You must buy clothes, style your hair, take laxatives, starve yourself, do anything to make yourself look thinner." She is using her myspace page something that is easily obtainable to lure young girls into believing that this is the only way you can be beautiful. The second point are the quotes that she uses, "Thin is in!" and "Stay strong." She uses a famous person by the name of Nicole Richie who has suffered from this disease, only considering her as beautiful when she was extremely thin. The third point is her thoughts above her quotes that consider having this disease as normal. She states that, "no one can be too thin," she even puts down teen girls who are considered fat telling them that the only way they can win the site model competition is if they are thin. This isn't the only myspace page that is focused on pro-thinspiration, pro-mia, and pro ana. I want to focus on this still, because this person is using pro-mia as a lifestyle, but the difference between the first still and second still is that you can see the desperate cry for help even though she is using this lifestyle. There are four points that I want to focus on: 1. Her general information 2. Her latest blog(fatty fat assed girl) 3. Her quote. 4. Her commandments. The first point I want to focus on is her general information. She talks about Ana Creed, who believes in using self control to not eat. She also shows her viewers that she is insecure by telling us that she believes she is the most vile, worthless and useless person on the planet. The second point is the use of her blogs, she has an entry that is title, Fatty Fat assed Girl. In this blog she talks about how she is disgusted of her looks, and how much she aspires to be thinner than anyone. The third point is her quote, "Being thin and not eating are signs of true will power and success." Many of the webpages that are pro-mia say this quote, because they feel this is the only way they can control anything in their lives. The fourth Point I want to focus on are her "thin commandments," which was found on the previous myspace page. Myspace and youtube aren't the only social sites that focus on pro-mia, thinspiration, and pro-ana. Put in these phrases in a search engine and 100 Google pages of blogs in different countries and languages appear ADD MORE

Note: Jenn--cut and paste your paper in here don't link to it. And in the future if you link to a Google docs you have to PUBLISH it for others to see it.

 J ason Greising's feedback for Jennifer Santiago's 3.1INF :
 * **What is the thesis?** Type out the thesis you find in the paper in your own words; it will help you see whether the writer's main insight is made sufficiently clear. The thesis is see is explaining the effects of eating disorders on the youth of America by examining website that promote eating disorders.
 * **How is the essay organized?** Describe in three or four sentences how the essay is organized. This will help you determine if the structure was clear. The essay was organized. It starts by explaining the purpose of the paper and what you are going to get from reading it. The body of te essay flow well following the opening paragraph. They go on to explain different sources that the author used to get information.
 * **Was the organization logical?** Was this the best way the writer could present their information? I really liked the way the information was presented with the web pages attached to the essay.
 * **Were any parts not relevant to the thesis?** As a reader did you pause to wonder how a statement or paragraph was related to the thesis?  No
 * **What examples and types of evidence were most convincing?** Did the essay engage your emotions and appeal to your experiences in appropriate ways?  The fact that an actually myspace page of a girl from France is use and the ana commandments she has posted on the page were convincing for me.
 * **What two places could use more development?** Which places in the text need more evidence, examples, explanation.  The conclusion of the essay could use some more work. Also the body could use another example or two to help solidify the point being made.
 * **Did the introduction catch your attention?** The writer was probably writing about a topic that already interests them, so did they communicate that interest to you? Yes. The paper got me because I don't really know too much about this problem and was drown in by the fact that there are actually websites and pages that help promote these dangerous diseases.

Chester Harman's review of Santiago's INF paper: > >
 * 1) The thesis is about pro-eating disorder networking groups.
 * 2) It moves smoothly from one example to another, and does well with keeping the point in focus.
 * 3) It was very logical.
 * 4) <span style="color: rgb(69, 150, 64)">The evidence is very convincing -- there's nothing like reading a young girl's obsession with starving to convince you there is something wrong with the concept.
 * 5) <span style="color: rgb(69, 150, 64)">Both of the stills of the websites are very convincing (and depressing) as source material.
 * 1) <span style="color: rgb(69, 150, 64)">Maybe the stills shouldn't be in the middle of the paper? It breaks it up too much, and having to sidescroll to finish the paper seems unnecessary. Also, in your own words, add more.
 * 1) <span style="color: rgb(69, 150, 64)">Yes, it did -- something about starving, delusional teenagers catches the attention.